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===Laissez Fayre=== {{spoiler|start}} (*): This is the city of song and dance, Laissez Fayre! The town north of here's been renamed Aubout du Monde. (*): Pardon, (monsieur/mademoiselle). Ze pub will not be opening until zis evening. (*): You came 'ere over ze ocean? Zen you will 'ave seen ze rocky island where ze monsters live, non? (*): No one 'as ever come back alive from zat place. It is best to observe it from afar. (*): Zere is an island ànorme, surrounded by ze big rocks, in ze sea far away to ze east. (*): And zey say ze monsters 'ave a castle zere. (*): There's a great comedian here at the moment called Tom Foolery. (*): Head over to the theatre in the evening if you want to catch a performance. (*): That Tom Foolery's performances are the funniest thing I've seen in a long while! I haven't stopped laughing since he arrived. (*): Thanks to zat ridiculous Monsieur Foolery, ze dancing girls do not perform so much zese days. (*): I lived for zem! To think I will not see zem pass by 'ere every day... Non! It is more zan a man can bear! (*): Bienvenue to ze théâtre de Laissez Fayre! If you are looking for Manager Artois, 'e is down below. Manager Artois: Maya, ma chérie! Oh là là, I am over ze moon to see you again! Manager Artois: Et bien. Tell me 'ow goes ze vengeance of your father's tragique death... I see. Well, do not give up 'ope, ma fille. Manager Artois: Thanks to ze genius of Monsieur Tom Foolery, my théâtre is full every night! Oui, oui. Life is good! Tom Foolery: Ye're (A trav'ller/Trav'llers), are ye? Well don't miss the show tonight. It'll be a great craic. Tom Foolery: What's that now? You want me to come along with ye? Tom Foolery: I see... So this Zenithian Helm yoke that belongs to the King o' Canalot is sometin' (yerself is/yerselves are) needin' fer yer quest, is it? Tom Foolery: An' to persuade the feen to give it ye, ye need my expertise? Tom Foolery: ...Don't tell me ye're tryin' to make yer way to Zenithia! No, I don't even want to know. Tom Foolery: Aye, well... I could do with a laugh, an' this sounds like it'll be a good craic. Why not!? Tom Foolery becomes the life and soul of the party! Tom Foolery: Right, well... I'll be headin' off, then. I'll be waitin' out in yer wagon. Tom Foolery: Then I must be hearin' things, I s'pose. (*): D'you think the Marquis Regent will be angry? Because I didn't manage to take Blondelle to the palais like he ordered, I mean. (*): Yes, he'll be hopping mad, won't he!? You can't tell anyone you found me hiding here. Please! (*): What? Why's there no one in the shop downstairs? Oh, not again! Where's my husband lazing about now? (*): Ah ha ha! I'm still chuckling even now. You've got to see that Tom Foolery. He's hilarious! (*): Blondelle escaped with the priest, apparently. (*): I hope they're both happy now, wherever they are... (*): Surely there'll be a slot tonight... Surely Artois'll let me have a bash on stage... (*): I've got to make a success of it. Otherwise Mum and Dad will think I'm just messing around here in the big city. (*): Alchemy? Yes, I've heard of it. It's a way of turning iron into gold, isn't it? (*): Our piéce de résistance on stage zis evening is ze great comédien, Tom Foolery! 'Ere for your pleasure and delight! (*): The stage is just at the bottom of those stairs. (*): Zut! Everything was going so well. But zey don't want me now. Us dancing girls, we are not àla mode any more. (*): Ho he ho he hooon! Mon dieu! (*): Would someone get this pillar out of the way? I can't see a thing! (*): I'm always sat behind this annoying pillar. Hang on... What if I moved to another seat...? (*): I was an imbécile to buy such a cheap ticket. I cannot get a view from back 'ere. (*): Look at all the faces in here! Hasn't anyone got more important things to be doing? (*): Ah ha ha! No more! My sides are gonna burst! (*): I came all the way from ma bonnie homeland of Burland tae see the lovely wee dancin' lassie, Maya. (*): But now I find oot she dinnae work here any more. Folk say she's flit off somewhere else. (*): I 'eard zis man was very drôle, so I came to see for myself. It's true. 'E is 'ilarious! (*): What with the ticket and a few drinks and snacks, it's a whole day's pay gone, just like that! (*): Zat was a funny one. I'll 'ave to remember zat! (*): Ha ha ha ha hah! No! No more! It hurts! (*): It's the way the geezer tells 'em! Even if you've 'eard it before, that Tom Foolery can still make ya larf! (*): No! I'd almost memorised the steps to that cobra dance when this comedian came along and ousted all the dancing girls off stage! (*): Mind you, he is pretty funny. I must try and remember some of his jokes. (*): Listening to a few jokes over a good, long drink... Nope, it doesn't get any better than this, let me tell you! (*): Don't talk to me now. I'm trying to listen. (*): I paid a small fortune for this spot. I'm gonna get my money's worth! (*): Ha...ha... I almost got that one! They say laughter's the key to longevity... We'll see! (*): Hah hah hah! By the Goddess, that Tom Foolery's the funniest man in the world! (*): Non! I waf laughing fo 'ard, I fpat out my falfe teef... (*): What? I didn't catch that. I can't hear over all the laughter. (*): Hey, it's Maya, isn't it? I heard you'd given up here, but you're back, are you? Woo-hoo! That's great! (*): I wish I could get up on stage, too... Tom Foolery: Ah, would ye look at that! Come to see the show, have ye? Tom Foolery: I've just finished tellin' me favourite joke, so I have. You didn't miss the punchline, did ye? Tom Foolery: Kippers to Kingslimes! D'ye get it!? Tom Foolery: Ha ha hah! I crack meself up, sometimes. I really do! Tom Foolery: What's that? Ye want to have a word? Tom Foolery: I'm a wee bit busy at the moment, in case ye hadn't noticed. We can talk tomorrow durin' the day if ye like. In the dressin' room. (*): I went out looking for him, and he was here asleep when I got back! Where did he disappear to, eh? (*): Zzz... The magic key... The magic key...openzzz all kindzzz of doorzzz... (*): Nothing doing today, either. Artois wouldn't give me a job again. (*): Surely I'll get my big break soon. You know, the grand debut! (*): Come in. Everyone is welcome 'ere. Drink, dance and forget ze ennui of ze day. (*): A nice, cold drink after work is just the ticket. You can't top it! (*): That - Hic! - Lord of the Under...er... Hic! Lord of the Undesirables...? No... (*): Lord of the Underworld! Yesh! He hashn't reshurrected himshelf at all! (*): If he'sh gonna - Hic! - reshurrect himshelf, he should - Hic! - get on with it! (*): Pardon, (monsieur/mademoiselle). I am busy wiz zis gentleman at ze moment. Come back later. (*): The women in here can't get enough of me! It's great! (*): Oh là là! Ze entourage? I'm not zat kind of girl, (monsieur/mademoiselle)! You must come alone. (*): Are you looking for ze job 'ere? But zis work is trés difficile. (*): It is more tiring zan it looks to stand all day like zis, you know. (*): Bonjour, 'andsome. Zis is ze room of mysterious fortune. Would you like to 'ave a go? (*): Bon. Brace yourself, zen. (*): Okay, zen. 'Ere we go! Bayaaaaa, hayaaaa, ho ho HAH! Hero: ... (*): Zha zha doo! Zha zha da! Zha zha zha zho HAH! Hero: !? (*): Booloolooloolooloo! Balabolabalabolabooboobolaboo! BOO! (*): Et voilà! 'Ow do you feel? (*): Ze magical forces, zey inform me zat you 'ave what it takes to be an 'ero of legend! (*): So don't be shy! 'Ave courage. If you've got it, flaunt it! (*): But pourquoi!? Come back if you change your mind. (*): There was a lovely young girl called Blondelle who used to rent this room, you know. I hear she's living happily somewhere else now. (*): This is the city of song and dance, Laissez Fayre! The town north of here's been renamed Aubout du Monde. (*): Pardon, (monsieur/mademoiselle). Ze pub will not be opening until zis evening. (*): You came 'ere over ze ocean? Zen you will 'ave seen ze rocky island where ze monsters live, non? (*): No one 'as ever come back alive from zat place. It is best to observe it from afar. (*): Zere is an island ànorme, surrounded by ze big rocks, in ze sea far away to ze east. (*): And zey say ze monsters 'ave a castle zere. (*): The entertainment here is the best in the world. Anything goes in Laissez Fayre! (*): Dancing girls and singers are all very well, but it's that Tom Foolery I'd like to see up on stage again. (*): Now zat comédien, Tom Foolery, 'as finished performing 'ere, ze dancing girls are back. I 'ope one comes by soon. (*): Oh, mon Dieu! Zat "let's give it to zem" look on zeir faces before ze show... It is more zan a man can bear! (*): Bienvenue to ze théâtre de Laissez Fayre! If you are looking for Manager Artois, 'e is down below. Manager Artois: Zut. Zere is no one good enough to follow Tom Foolery. 'E was an act par excellence. Manager Artois: I 'ave no choice. I will 'ave to 'eadline ze dancing girls and ze singers like I did before. (*): D'you think the Marquis Regent will be angry? Because I didn't manage to take Blondelle to the palais like he ordered, I mean. (*): Yes, he'll be hopping mad, won't he!? You can't tell anyone you found me hiding here. Please! (*): What? Why's there no one in the shop downstairs? Oh, not again! Where's my husband lazing about now? (*): No more Tom Foolery now. I really miss his shows. It was a welcome break to have a laugh now and then. (*): Blondelle escaped with the priest, apparently. (*): I hope they're both happy now, wherever they are... (*): Surely there'll be a slot tonight... Surely Artois'll let me have a bash on stage... (*): I've got to make a success of it. Otherwise Mum and Dad will think I'm just messing around here in the big city. (*): Alchemy? Yes, I've heard of it. It's a way of turning iron into gold, isn't it? (*): Et voilà! Another night of chansons and dance for ze pleasure of our most welcome guests! (*): The stage is just at the bottom of those stairs. (*): Maya! I heard you'd left town. But you're back, are you? That's good news. (*): I will be a star even more famous zan Tom Foolery. More glamorous. And more seductive...? Hee hee hee! (*): Wahoo! Yeah, baby! (*): (wolf-whistle) (*): Come on! Get yer kit off! (*): Hey, look! A new kid on the block! (*): Get on with it! (*): What ya waitin' for? Get yer kit off! (*): Where've you been? We've been waiting for someone decent! (*): Come on, give us a good laugh! (*): Get some new material! (*): Take a look at that gut! (*): Go on, fatty, give us a belly dance! (*): Put it away, tubby! (*): Get off! (*): Go on, 'op it, old man! (*): Boo! Boo! (*): What on earth is that!? (*): Crikey! It just breathed fire! (*): The whole theatre's gonna go up in smoke! (*): Nothing is more cleansing for ze soul zan watching ze dancing girls. (*): Would someone get this pillar out of the way? I can't see a thing! (*): I'm always sat behind this annoying pillar. Hang on... What if I moved to another seat...? (*): I was an imbécile to buy such a cheap ticket. I cannot get a view from back 'ere. (*): Look at all the faces in here! Hasn't anyone got more important things to be doing? (*): Yeah! Woo-hoo! You beauty! (*): I came all the way from ma bonnie homeland of Burland tae see the lovely wee dancin' lassie, Maya. (*): But now I find oot she dinnae work here any more. Folk say she's flit off somewhere else. (*): Look at zem all! Zey are shameless! (*): I told myself I wasn't going to come again, but...well, what can you do? You can't miss a show like this! (*): I just caught a glimpse of zat dancer's- Oh là là! (*): Sure, that Tom Foolery was good for a laugh, but you can't beat dancing girls, can you? (*): Crikey, it ain't 'alf 'ot in 'ere! I'm burnin' up, I am. (*): Ssh! Don't talk to me now! I don't want to miss any of this dance. I'm trying to memorise all the moves! (*): Eyeing up a beautiful dancing girl over a good, long drink... Nope, it doesn't get any better than this, let me tell you! (*): Oh, yeah! Lookin' fine again today, sugar! (*): I paid a small fortune for this spot. I'm gonna get my money's worth! (*): Ooh, she's a lovely little thing, ain't she? (*): Oh, yeah! Nothing better than a front row seat! (*): I may be an old man, but zere is no doubt zat I will stay alive long enough to see a leetle more of zis! (*): Wow! Oh...wow! (*): Hey, it's Maya, isn't it? I heard you'd given up here, but you're back, are you? Woo-hoo! That's great! (*): I wish I could get up on stage, too... (*): I went out looking for him, and he was here asleep when I got back! Where did he disappear to, eh? (*): Zzz... The magic key... The magic key...openzzz all kindzzz of doorzzz... (*): Nothing doing today, either. Artois wouldn't give me a job again. (*): Surely I'll get my big break soon. You know, the grand debut! (*): Come in. Everyone is welcome 'ere. Drink, dance and forget ze ennui of ze day. (*): A nice, cold drink after work is just the ticket. You can't top it! (*): That - Hic! - Lord of the Under...er... Hic! Lord of the Undesirables...? No... (*): Lord of the Underworld! Yesh! He hashn't reshurrected himshelf at all! (*): If he'sh gonna - Hic! - reshurrect himshelf, he should - Hic! - get on with it! (*): There was a lovely young girl called Blondelle who used to rent this room, you know. I hear she's living happily somewhere else now. (*): Pardon, (monsieur/mademoiselle). I am busy wiz zis gentleman at ze moment. Come back later. (*): The women in here can't get enough of me! It's great! (*): Oh là là! Ze entourage? I'm not zat kind of girl, (monsieur/mademoiselle)! You must come alone. (*): Are you looking for ze job 'ere? But zis work is trés difficile. (*): It is more tiring zan it looks to stand all day like zis, you know. (*): Bonjour, 'andsome. Zis is ze room of mysterious fortune. Would you like to 'ave a go? (*): Bon. Brace yourself, zen. (*): Okay, zen. 'Ere we go! Bayaaaaa, hayaaaa, ho ho HAH! Hero: ... (*): Zha zha doo! Zha zha da! Zha zha zha zho HAH! Hero: !? (*): Booloolooloolooloo! Balabolabalabolabooboobolaboo! BOO! (*): Et voilà! 'Ow do you feel? (*): Ze magical forces, zey inform me zat you 'ave what it takes to be an 'ero of legend! (*): So don't be shy! 'Ave courage. If you've got it, flaunt it! (*): But pourquoi!? Come back if you change your mind. {{spoiler|end}}
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